The experience of losing a loved one is not the same for everyone. For some of us, it feels like it’s impossible to let go of their presence. Many of us try to remove ourselves from the source of our pain and run away from it all. But what if visiting the grave of your loved one helps you heal?
Visiting the grave of a loved one lets you continue your connection with them. It heals you by providing a safe space for you to unburden your emotions, and find closure. If you visit the grave of a loved one routinely, you can establish a pattern that gives the space a positive meaning. And by establishing a family legacy through their graves, your pain for your loved one changes into an identity, purpose, and inspiration.
Healing from loss alone isn’t easy. You need to understand your pain and choose to move forward. To help you on your path, we’ll explore 5 ways grave visits can help you come to terms with your loved one. We’ll conclude by suggesting things you can do while visiting the grave of your loved one.
5 Ways Visiting A Grave Helps
Visiting a grave may feel oppressive, or approaching the source of your pain. But, it can actually help you process your stages of grief properly. Eventually, it can become your place of comfort and even a space where you can feel peace. Here are 5 ways visiting your loved ones’ graves helps you heal:
Maintaining An Emotional Connection
When a loved one dies, their sudden absence can feel torturous. You may feel that void has replaced their physical presence. When you visit their grave it may help you fill that void and feel their presence once more.
Visiting the grave of a loven one provides a tangible link to your loved one. It bridges the gap between your memory of your loved one and the harsh reality of their loss. For many, their loved ones’ graves become a sacred space where they can feel close to their loved ones. For you, it may be an opportunity to maintain your relationship with them and endure your grief by reaffirming your enduring love.
Psychologist Dr. J. William Worden says in his discussion of his Tasks of Mourning model that people have to find an enduring connection with those they have lost. When you’re starting on the path to your new life, your loved one’s grave can act as a physical anchor for this connection.
While visiting the grave of a loved one, you can leave flowers, give them updates, or even just sit there quietly. You can visit your loved one weekly to tell them about your life, or your family members and friends. Talk to them so that you can preserve their role in your life.
A Safe Space for Emotional Expression
Society and the hustle and bustle of modern life expect us to “move on” from our loss quickly. We don’t get much room for prolonged sadness. But in the cemetery, your loved one’s grave is a safe space. You’ll face no judgment, no criticism, and no undue pressure.
Unlike public spaces, you’re free to express your emotions near a grave. While visiting the grave of a loved one, your grief can’t affect others. You have the space to cry, rage, vent, or exist in silence.
Renowned grief counsellor Dr. Alan Wolfelt argues that true, proper mourning comes from confronting your pain. Visiting the grave of your loved one gives you the opportunity to face your loss. Any pent-up emotions you have, any sorrow or guilt, you can safely express there.
When you visit your loved one’s grave, you’ll be able to process your stages of grief better. You’ll have the privacy to experience the nonlinear nature of grief. Some days will be peaceful, other days will feel agonizing. But it will help you walk your path to recovery.
A Chance For Closure
Some deaths leave us with unspoken words, unanswered questions, or the guilt of something we never did. The grave of our loved ones can be a way to communicate with them. Speaking aloud to them about what has been left undone or unsaid can help us find closure.
According to Dr. Dennis Klass, even one-sided conversations with those we’ve lost can give us psychological release. Continuing the bond with those we’ve lost helps us “renegotiate” our relationship with them.
Internal dialogues with your lost loved ones will help you see things from their perspective. You can talk to them to understand how they may have reacted. You may even come to understand what they’d say regarding your current state. It’s the only way to assuage your guilt.
A Spot For Healing Rituals and Traditions
Rituals are a key element of religion and culture. They are also an effective method of recovering from loss. Rituals give you a structure in the chaos and pain and set up a pathway for a positive pattern.
If you visit your loved one’s grave routinely, you create a cycle of healing. Visiting on holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, or religious and cultural occasions will create a meaningful way to include and honour the legacy of your loved ones. It will give you a clarifying purpose in your blinding pain.
Cultural traditions, such as the Japanese Obon festivals, or Mexican Dia de los Muertos offer a chance for families to gather and take part in rituals that blend celebration with loss. While there may not be something similar in the Lower Mainlands, you can create your own rituals. Set up weekly or monthly visits, select dates to leave flowers or talk to them about life.
A Way To Change Pain To Family Legacy
Your loved one’s grave can become a place for multigenerational acts of remembrance. Their loss can be transformed into a source of accomplishment and history. If you choose to turn your loved one’s grave into a part of your family legacy, it will be celebrated instead of being mourned for generations to come.
Your loved one’s accomplishments will stand as an inspiration. Their struggles and tales of overcoming adversity will teach future generations resilience. When they visit your loved one’s grave, they can learn about their purpose, and philosophies and continue them.
By taking your future generations about your loved one’s grave, you let them live on through you and your future generations. You can turn their loss into your strength and purpose.
What To Do When You Visit The Grave Of A Loved One?
You just need to take the first step and see them. From there, it’s all up to what you need, or feel they would want. However here are ideas to try:
- Bring their favourite flowers.
- Leave family photos or your photos with them.
- Leave recent photos of the family or yourself to share updates.
- Walk, kneel, or offer prayers.
- Decorate the grave on special occasions.
- Share your life or plans.
- Bring friends and family to visit.
- Bring your or their pets to see them.
- Sit and do something mundane to pass the time.
Normalize the process of visiting them. Get comfortable in their presence. Interact with them in any meaningful way. And if you still have the time to make a choice, choose a cemetery that makes your loved one’s grave a safe space for you.
Bakerview Memorial Cemetery. We Help You Heal.
At Bakerview, we understand how complex and tough healing from loss can be. So, our experienced staff take the time to ensure you choose the right burial option for your loved one. We take your loved one’s story, beliefs and philosophies to create a space that helps you feel connected to them. Here, we care about your loved one, and we care for you too.
With abundant space and diverse burial options, we are prepared to offer families burial spaces for generations to come. With burial options starting from $300 a month, you won’t find another cemetery in Greater Vancouver with a better offer. So come visit us today, or call us at (604) 856-0330 to set up a free tour.
Conclusion
Visiting the grave of your loved one is not about living in the past, but accepting your loss and moving on with life. Healing does not mean you “get over” your loved one. You truly heal when you can carry their absence with grace, and find your way to honour them. Remember, grief is not a problem to be solved; it’s an experience to be carried.
Published: January 25, 2025
