No matter where we are in our lives, we all find a grave to be the last thing we want to talk about. Yet, it’s inevitable that we all have to stand next to one, wishing our loved ones hadn’t left us so soon. Losing a loved one is a human experience, but it’s a terrible pain. How do we overcome the grief of losing a loved one?
After losing a loved one, you will deny they are gone. You will feel angry, lose yourself in ‘what ifs’ and become depressed. Eventually, you will move on and accept their absence. But if you accept the loss, stay grounded, seek help, and try to honour your loved one, you will heal faster.
In this article, we will discuss the 5 stages of grief described by Kubler-Ross. Afterward, we will explore how you can overcome your trauma faster. Dealing with loss isn’t easy, so we will make it as simple as possible.
The 5 Stages of Grief
Everyone processes loss differently, but there are some common patterns. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first identified 5 stages of grief in 1969. It won’t completely cover the complex nature of your thoughts, behaviour and emotions, but it will give you perspective. Let’s explore these 5 stages in brief so you can identify what stage you are in:
Denial
Denial is the first stage of grieving. In this stage, you won’t want to accept reality. You will understand that you have lost your loved one, but you won’t accept it. This is a defence mechanism that protects you from shock.
This is normal, and it will last for a while. For some, it can even be helpful. You might find yourself behaving in the following ways:
- You may refuse to accept your loved one’s death.
- You may avoid the topic in conversation.
- In extreme cases, you might deny the information or say the source is not trustworthy.
Anger
When you are ready to understand the information, you can experience anger. You might direct your anger towards yourself, your family, doctors, or even your departed loved one. This anger might seem hurtful or offensive, but you’re simply channelling your grief outward.
During this stage, you might behave in the following ways:
- You might blame the doctor for failing to save your loved one.
- You could blame family members for their lack of support or care.
- You might be angry at God.
- You may feel anger at yourself for not doing enough.
- You will become impatient, and have a short temper.
Bargaining
Grief makes us feel hopeless and overwhelmed. We keep moving in circles, getting stuck on ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’. For you, this stage may make you feel as if you have no control over yourself, or life.
You will try to think of compromises and ways to negotiate the situation. You’ll try to make deals with yourself or a higher power to not repeat what happened. Or, you may keep making these deals to feel less grief-stricken.
For most people, this stage is completely irrational. How you think during this stage will not make sense for others. Some examples of such bargaining would be:
- If I’d called the doctor sooner, she would have made it.
- If I’d tried to talk to him more, maybe I’d have found out about his illness earlier.
- God, bring them back. I will never make these mistakes again.
Depression
This stage will fill you with sadness and hopelessness. Earlier stages of grief will protect you from these emotions, but you’ll eventually face them.
These intense, dark emotions will express themself in the following manners:
- You’ll feel sad.
- You won’t enjoy any activities that you love.
- You’ll have trouble sleeping.
- You’ll have no energy.
- You may feel agitated or restless.
- You won’t be able to focus.
- Your focus will be hampered.
It’s important to remember that depression is a completely natural reaction to grief. After losing your loved one, you might be crippled by grief for a limited time. However, persistent grief might lead to prolonged grief disorder. In such cases, you may become unable to function.
Acceptance
This is the final stage of the 5 stages of grief. In this period of grief, you’ll finally come to terms with your loss. You won’t deny or struggle against your grief. You’ll focus on celebrating the life of your loved one instead, cherishing your time with them. You’ll finally start to make plans to move forward.
It’s important to realize that the 5 stages of grief don’t happen linearly. You may skip stages, route back to one, or even go through multiple stages at the same time. Remember grief is a personal journey, and you won’t experience it the way everyone else does.
How Do You Cope With Life After Death?
As we’ve discussed, you’ll experience the 5 stages of grief in your own, unique fashion. Grief will damage many aspects of your life, such as:
- Sleep.
- Mood.
- Appetite.
- Energy Levels.
- Health.
Typically, grief naturally concludes as time passes. However, some might struggle more than others. If you’re struggling to ground yourself after the loss of a loved one, these 6 strategies might help you:
Allow Yourself to Grieve
Stop beating yourself up over the loss. Acknowledge the loss and the pain that comes with it. Allowing yourself to feel the pain is a crucial step toward recovery.
Tip: Set aside time each day to reflect on your feelings, whether through journaling, meditation or simply sitting quietly.
Seek Support
You should connect with family and friends and share your grief. It will help you fight the sensation of isolation.
Tip: Consider joining a local or online grief support group where you can share experiences and coping strategies.
Take Care of Your Physical Health
Grief can make you neglect your physical health. You should maintain a balanced diet, engage in regular exercise, and get plenty of rest.
Tip: Incorporate gentle activities like walking or yoga to help reduce stress and improve mood.
Establish Routine
Set a daily routine and stick to it. It will help you feel normal. You’ll have a better day, and be busy with numerous small tasks.
Tip: Start with simple routines, such as morning coffee or evening walks, to anchor your day.
Honour Your Loved One
Find ways to commemorate your loved one. You’ll feel better and more connected to them. It allows you to celebrate their life and keep their memory alive.
Tip: Create a memory box filled with photos, letters, or mementos that remind you of your loved one.
Seek Professional Help
You should see a mental health professional if grief becomes overwhelming or persists for an extended period. They can provide coping strategies and support tailored to your needs.
Tip: Look for therapists specializing in grief counselling to guide you through the healing process.
Be Patient with Yourself
There’s no specific time or deadline for healing. So, allow yourself the grace to grieve at your own pace without comparing your journey to others.
Tip: Remind yourself that it’s okay to have good days and bad days; both are part of the healing process.
Bakerview Memorial Cemetery. A Place of Empathy.
We understand how painful the loss of a loved one can be, and we know that everyone needs help during these times. At Bakerview, our experienced staff are fully prepared to help on your journey. We’ll help you find closure by commemorating your loved one’s life, philosophies and stories.
Next time you’re looking for a cemetery in the lower mainland, especially Chilliwack and Abbotsford, come see us. Give us a call at (604) 856-0330 and get a free tour of the grounds.
Conclusion
Coping with loss is a deeply personal experience, and there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Understanding where you are on the 5 stages of grief will help considerably. You’ll also have to acknowledge your feelings, seek support, and implement healing strategies. Remember, it’s essential to be kind to yourself; it’s what your loved one would have wanted.
Published: March 9, 2025
